posted january 21, 2009

My mentoring status

Posted on by alvean.
Categories: About me.

‘No problem so far’ that’s the famous status a mentor designates to his/her mentee. As I am one. So far because there’s this bigger amount of possibility that as more challenges arose, the more disturbance there could have, and the greater distractions one should overcome. When one strive and fully succeeded, many call it as maturity. But I was not that one.

I grew up in a rather comfortable but unexcused life. Being the first, everything was focused on me. And that was easy, just ask your dad abroad to send you a set of karaoke, grab a mike and do your best to be praised. But even if you’re not appreciated, you still got more attention from the remaining three of your siblings who were content because that is acceptable. But of course, the youngest is always the favored one whether or not he performed.I am not that spoiled, nor timid. Yet, I was full control of life without being criticized.

Where are the disturbances?

Life became more difficult, especially when you were a teenager during 1997 economic crisis.It came to my sensing, that the transition between childhood to adulthood is quite tough. I bet all parents were bewildered.One should struggle of recognition, sometimes in a subtle melancholic way or freely following the hormone’s demand is the fastest way. Either way is not wrong. But in my case, I chose to persevere on my own way regardless of charm, provisions, or good atmosphere at home. I was a little bit hard-headed in a good way, resulting to a scholarship to ease my parent’s burden. Graduating valedictorian from being ordinary gives more a lot of surprise to many compared to cute puppy love’s ending.This gave me valid excuses of escaping from household chores and complaints.Still I was in control, and now more reserved and perilous. This is what you call ‘nearing attrition status’.

Where are the distractions?

Distractons in a seemingly adored escape.Just don’t cut traditions and be boring.

Nearing attrition? Oh I am not the one who gives up more of what this life could have, even though it was boring.

Then came college…what a release to be included in a community of no standards in fashion, no limitation in beliefs, no routine, no ordinary people and yet being prestigious.

I’ll tell you more details bout that later…..when my mood change… (after 4:30 office dismissal… whew)

I’m back. My students just now took some of my mandarin oranges, my only RM7 annual bonus! Hehe

Yeah, college was the ‘release period’ of my life where I don’t have to hide from other people’s judgement. Plus, I got another scholarship to help me go through a new phase… My mother was very supportive of me going away.

But I got problems inward, self-conceited, rejected, alone. That categorizes me not from ‘no problem so far’ anymore.Because I have been through moments where no one has gone, makes me think I got mature on how I perceive things.I was too holy, avoiding improper behaviors, never had any vices, never been revengeful, never been kissed hahaha!

Yet, I did that all, not because of being too obedient to the values our culture have, but because I was religious and I thought doing the wrong thing is not my style. I was that young one singing karaoke needing recognition.In an environment, where friends are able and handsome, I was not. So I have to be more industrious, winning quiz bees, so bold to join declamation, which of course I lost because I don’t know how to bring that tears out while trying to remember the lines, voted myself president of school body which of course I lost again because they have to choose the queen and king of the prom. So eventually, I tried science club and succeeded, eventually I was on top not because of extracurricular activities but because I just perfected the exams I took a week later than them because I didn’t pay the computer fee on time.My conclusion is, my parents were right. They have to send me to that expensive school so I could have the not easy life.

That life brought me here, that there was one experience that I became tired of trying.Hesitant to admit it, I can no longer strive more.In my mind I could actually still go further but it will cost me to lose myself, that young lady who should still appreciate nature and gifts, not achievements. So I chose not to.

One night with the great architect of life changed everything. I already read his blueprint two thousand years ago, and I have already phoned him many many times. But what can I do, He is the architect, who knows the perfect time, that time when I couldn’t rest with good sleep, couldn’t rest with new blessings coming, with medals to display, with everyday calls from my perfect mother, with my cheerful friends.Once, that blueprint became more colorful, this time, intimately for me.This one is what you call ‘penetration status’.

Lol. It’s funny I boxed life with this attrition and penetration. Yet in reality, if you want an adventure, you just need to look at your design by the architect. I also don’t know how to classify His mind and I don’t think it’s not about what’s right or wrong with you. I think it’s about discovering the mystery behind those prints, whether it seems abstract or symmetrical, that’s how life becomes more interesting and resting. And that my friend is what you call transformation.

Oh I want to say more, but of course one post is not enough for my new journey.